I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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