I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
