Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
