So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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