I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
