Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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