He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
