Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
