i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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