I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize