The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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