is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
