so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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