Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize