I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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