Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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