sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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