JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
