thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
