And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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