I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
