I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
