I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
