I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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