I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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