is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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