Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
