Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
