Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
My Sexting was not on an AP level
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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