she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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