Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
