I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
