do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
