Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
