I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
