I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
