i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
