I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i think my tv is drunk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
