Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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