I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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