Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
