he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
