Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
