your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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