i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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