all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
