Plan B is the new Plan A
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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