Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
vagina is talking i cant
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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