her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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