Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
