why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
