don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
