oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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