no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
