He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
