i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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