I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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