yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
