i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
