i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Do vagina's smell?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
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