so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize