Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
