I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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